Guest Blog: When You Buy a Kid a Mattress…

I was asked by our super awesome friend Laura if I would guest post on her blog. I was excited to be asked, and scared to death of screwing it up. I felt kind of like how I imagine Jennifer Lawrence must feel anytime she is asked to put on heels and walk up some steps: nervous as hell and afraid of falling on my face. I have spent the last week and a half trying to think of some witty, off-the-wall yet relevant topic to use as my introduction to you, Laura’s readers and fans. It’s has really been a tough order to fill, with all of the sadness occupying to world in recent days. I have, however, been able to experience some of the lighter sides of life, like purchasing my 4 year old’s “big boy” bed. What a therapy-inducing event! I mean, we literally just took the side off his crib in November!!! That being said, this kid sleeps like he is channeling Bruce Lee. Or Chuck Norris. Or Both. This kid has two sleep styles: Auditioning for Enter the Dragon, or emulating a log in the woodpile outside. So off to Sleepy’s we went and dropped a bunch of money on a sweet new mattress that will be destroyed before he turns 8, because what little boy doesn’t turn their bed into a launch pad for their tiny little bodies?

So, we have a 4 year old with a fancy new bed (full-sized at that). We must buy sheets! And not any sheets will do, no sir! No little boy’s room is complete without some loud, obnoxious character sheets and blankets. Off to Target we go (did I mention that I had not only Little Bean, but Daddy Bean with me? No? Well *insert husband groan here*) insert of the perfect new big boy bed sheets. We wander to the bedding aisles after a quick side trip for contact lens cleaner, and behold! About 2 dozen different kid’s bedding sets: Minions, and Ninja Turtles, and Mickey Mouse, OH MY!!! Except they are all twin sized. There were two styles that were made for full sized beds, and Little Bean was NOT interested in having Cinderella or Elsa and Anna staring at him while he slept. Olaf, maybe. After 20 minutes of staring at sheets, I grabbed the first thing that was full sized and walked up to the registers. We still had to go pick up the mattress and box spring (low profile FOR THE WIN!) from the warehouse. I think that this is the first time I have ever walked out of Target with 2 (TWO) things in my bag. SETTING RECORDS, PEOPLE!

Let me set this next part up for you: *back at Sleepy’s* pick out mattress, pay for mattress, confirm same day pick up at warehouse.

Me: Daddy Bean, do you think it will fit in our van?

DB: Oh yeah. It should fit, no problem. We’ll just stow the left middle seat.

Me: Wonderful, now we won’t have to bug anyone for help on a Saturday evening! #Winning!

Sitting at the warehouse loading dock, with a mattress half out of the back of our van because we didn’t account for the enormous car seat in which Little is restrained. Highlight of his day? Sitting in the passenger seat while we shove his new bed into the back and call Grandpa for assistance with transport of the youngin. Get everyone home safely (new mattresses SMELL LIKE PLASTIC!!), get new bedstuffs up to their new home, and open up the mattress plastic. Cue our dog Sam growling at the mattress and refusing to leave the top landing of the step. I instantly begin to panic silently that the mattress is haunted or possessed by Sam’s reflection in the glass door. Daddy Bean eventually gets him to chill and go check out the new smelly thing, and all is right again. While this is happening, I am in the basement washing the new sheets and mattress protector (because I’m smart) and realize that the sheets I got for Little are 800 THREAD COUNT! This kid is sleeping on better sheets than I did on my wedding night!!! Thank goodness for that awesome red clearance sticker!

My Bio:  I’m Gina.  I’m a mom, wife, and student with lots of thoughts about stuff, like organ donation and Comic Sans font.  Once in a while, I feel like my thoughts are funny enough to share with the world on my blog at .  I’m not quite ready to take on the world, a la Amy Schumer, so here I am.  Enjoy, or don’t  =)

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