I’m always hearing about people making bucket lists of things they want to do before they die. I tried to start one of those because I occasionally try to act like a normal human being, but I could only think of three things before I got bored with making that list.
- take many naps
- hire a maid
- teach my children how to wipe their own butts.
I tried to google other peoples’ bucket lists so I could just copy theirs, but then I realized other peoples’ bucket lists are stupid. So instead I used that list to create my Anti-Bucket list. These are 5 things I hope to never do in my life before I die.
1- Climb Mount Everest
If climbing Mount Everest is on your bucket list, you should probably put it last on the list. I mean… are you TRYING to die? Is that the point of this list? It also sounds super cold and like a lot of exercising. I’m pretty sure I would just faint at the base of the mountain.
2- New Years Eve at Times Square
You know what I don’t want to do on New Year’s Eve? Spend the whole evening trying not to lose everyone I care about into a sea of drunk people. I also imagine you would find glitter on yourself for weeks afterwards.
3- Sky Diving
I know that you typically jump out of the plane with a professional who knows about things like when to deploy a parachute, but it seems like you’re basically putting your life in the hands of a complete stranger. “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m going to jump out of an airplane, and I’m putting my full trust in you to keep my body from splatting into the ground.”
4- Run a Marathon
5- Sleep Under the Stars
This is just camping. I’ve gone camping before. You’re not going to trick me into doing that again.
Well, I would make a longer list, but one of my children needs their butt wiped. Someday they’ll be able to do it themselves. Someday . #ChasingDreams #BucketList